FML-091221
Today, I asked my girlfriend what she thought of us getting married some day. She said she wasn’t sure about me yet and that we may want to go in different directions soon. We’ve been dating for three years and I had the ring in my pocket at the moment. FML
今天，我问我的女朋友，她是否想过我们有一天会结婚。她说，她对我还不太确定，可能很快我们就会分手。我们已经约会3年了，当时我都已经准备好了戒指，就在我的口袋里。FML
Today, my mom and I had to shovel our driveway after an epic snowstorm that left us with 22 inches of snow. We only needed to dig out my mom’s car and not mine. After we did all that work and shoveled all the snow onto the side where my car was we found out my mom had a flat tire. FML
今天，在一场空前的大雪暴之后，地面有22英寸的积雪，我和妈妈不得不铲出一条车道。我们决定只挖出妈妈的车，我们把铲出的雪堆在我的车停的那一侧，当我们把车道铲出，把妈妈的车挖出之后，才发现，妈妈的车胎爆了。FML
Today, I got fed up with the amount of hair on my feet, so I went to get my foot hair waxed off. When I removed my socks, the waxer laughed the amount of foot hair. I’m a 18 year old female and it appears I have feet that were last seen on Big Foot. FML
今天，我厌烦了脚上厚厚的汗毛，便去把它用蜡除掉。我一脱掉短袜，涂蜡师便冲着我脚上的汗毛大笑起来。我是一个18岁的女孩，但看起来我有一双野人一样多毛的脚。FML
Today, I took the train home. When seated, I suddenly noticed something wet on my seat. Without looking, I thought it was water since it was snowing outside. Guess again. It was vomit. FML
今天，我坐火车回家。刚坐下，我忽然感觉座位上有点湿。没看的时候，我还以为是水，因为外面在下雪。猜猜是什么，呕吐物！FML
Today, I had given up on finding my makeup bag with cell phone and iPod my mom had bought for me recently. So I went to art to join the group of girls with whom I share the back art studio of my school. One of them was talking about how she’d ripped off some bitch’s stuff, and she held up my bag. FML
今天，我已经放弃找我丢失的化妆袋了，里面有我的手机和妈妈刚给我买的iPod。 我出去和一群女孩子一起画画，我们共用学校的油画室。其中一个女孩在炫耀她是怎么偷了一个臭女人的东西，她举起的正是我的包。FML
Today, I decided to sign up to a dating website. After having a long conversation with one of my matches about how much I hate my job, I decided to meet up with him. It was my boss. FML
今天，我注册了一个交友网站。我和其中的一个匹配者聊了很久，我向他抱怨说我非常不喜欢我的工作，后来我们决定见面。结果，他是我的上司。FML
Today, I was at a family party and everyone was seeing my new glasses for the first time. My 48 year old uncle told me that I look like a hot librarian and then grabbed my ass. He was still sober. FML
今天，在一个家庭聚会上，大家第一次看到了我的新眼镜。我48岁的叔叔告诉我，我看起来像一个身材惹火的图书管理员，然后他捏了我的屁股。他还没有喝醉呢。FML
Today, I was hanging out with my ex’s new girlfriend. I found out he was dating us both at the same time and was comparing between us. That is why he broke up with me two years ago and is still with her ever since. FML
今天，我和我前男友的新女友见面了。我发现他是同时和我们两个约会的，并且在我们之间做了比较。这就是为什么两年前他和我分手，从那之后和她在一起的原因。FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to give me my Christmas present early because he’s going to his grandparents’ house for Christmas and won’t see me. I was excited, until I unwrapped a sweater that I left there a month ago. FML
今天，我男朋友决定提前送给我圣诞礼物，因为圣诞节他要去他祖父家，不能和我一起过。我很高兴的打开了礼物，那是一件毛衣，我一个月前忘在他那里的。FML
Today, my boyfriend has gone to a traffic light party. Wear Red if your are taken, yellow if taken but willing to cheat and green if you’re single. Guess who hasn’t got a red shirt? FML
今天，我男朋友去参加了一个红绿灯聚会，穿红色代表已经有了朋友，黄色代表虽然有了朋友但是愿意背叛，绿色代表仍是单身，猜猜谁没穿红色？FML
Today, I updated my Facebook status to “It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.” My cousin, seeing the status, failed to pick up on the sarcastic humor. She called all my family members and tell them that I was pregnant. Including my husband in Iraq. FML
今天，我更新我Facebook上的状态为“这可能应该叫做计划外生育”。我表姐，没能理解这冷幽默，她告诉我所有的家庭成员我怀孕了，包括我远在伊拉克的丈夫。FML
Today, my boyfriend of 3 years announced that he is not ready for marriage, and won’t be for ‘at least’ another 2 years. Of course he waited to tell me this 2 days after he had proposed to me in front of hundreds of people, I said yes, and we announced it to all our family members and friends. FML
今天，我相处了三年的男友宣布他还没准备好结婚，并且至少两年之内也不会。当然他告诉我这些是在当着上百人的面向我求婚两天之后，当时我答应了他的求婚，并且通知了我所有的家人和朋友。FML
Today, I found out that my girlfriend has to pretend to have another boyfriend who is not me because her siblings and cousins do not accept me. FML
今天，我发现我的女朋友不得不假装在我之外还有一个男朋友，因为她的兄弟姐妹都不接受我。FML
Today, it was our 6 month anniversary. My boyfriend didn’t get me a present or take me out to dinner. Instead he cried to me about how much he hates his life while he repeatedly punched himself in the face. Then he dropped me off to spend time with his mom. FML
今天，是我们六个月的纪念日，我男朋友既没送给我礼物，也没有带我出去就餐。相反，他一边不停的打自己的脸，一边冲我大喊他有多恨自己的生活。然后他把我丢下跟他妈妈一起过。FML
Today, I got my first tip. It was a Mentos. FML
今天，我得到了我的第一笔小费，一块薄荷糖。FML
Today, I sent my resume to a place where I hoped to work at. Since the job requires me to be doing work on the run, I put on it that I have a laptop. The only problem is that I always thought it was “labtop.” I didn’t learn the correct spelling until my daughter called me an idiot, she’s 6. FML
今天，我把简历投递到一家我希望工作的地方。这项工作要求在出差中工作，所以我就写上我有一台手提电脑（laptop）。唯一的问题是我总以为那叫Labtop，直到我女儿骂我白痴我才改正过来，她才6岁。FML
Today, I wore a pair of glasses with no lenses because I thought I’d look smarter. I ended up poking myself in the eye several times, leaving it swollen. So much for making me look smarter. FML
今天，我戴了一幅没有镜片的眼睛，想让自己看起来更酷。结果我好几次戳到自己的眼睛，都弄肿了。装酷的代价太大了。FML
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I’ve never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
今天，我正在自己公寓睡觉，忽然扑通一声响，然后一个陌生的女人声音把我吵醒。我走出去发现一个喝醉的陌生女孩倒在我的门口。她吐得到处都是，我还要打电话给她父亲把她接走。FML
Today, at my job as a cake decorator in a bakery, I put the finishing touches on the wedding cake of the man who left me at the altar 3 years ago. FML
今天，作为一个蛋糕店的糕点师傅，我给一个男人的婚礼蛋糕做装饰，就是这个男人三年前在婚礼上离开了我。FML
Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our five-year anniversary. I got him a new flat-screen TV. He got me toilet seat cover. FML
今天，我和男朋友庆祝我们的五周年纪念日，我给了他一个新的平板电视，他给我一个马桶盖。FML
来源 ； 翻译: 添乱；本文链接： http://www.liujingke.com/?p=67
